the break up.

wednesday April 8th, 2009 just before 1am. mancub's phone kept receiving texts / phone calls. This had been going on for nearly two hours. I finally had enough and said "WHAT is so important that I need to be woken up repeatedly?" 1 of his friends was trying to get a hold of another friend, another of his friends was looking for vicodin and the 3rd person sells the vicodin. The fight wasn't really about much. Mainly everything just came to a head.. and some things were said that were taken wrong. "we're done." most importantly.

later that evening he brought up the fight. He said he didn't mean "we're done" in that way, just that we were done fighting. He then asked what I meant.. I told him "I don't know."

By Thursday 9th night I had it figured out. I'm done. I don't want any part of this relationship any longer. I believe it's best to end it. I didn't get to see him until monday 13th because of our work schedules. I had the boys over that day and didn't want to get into it. So I just waited it out another day. Tuesday he got home at 7pm and I just said it flat out "You aren't going to like this. I've had time to think about our fight last week and I believe it's best if we go our separate ways." He agreed saying that he's felt the same way for about he past month.

The next day (yesterday 15th) I went out to lunch with Carrie. When I returned home he informed me that his dad was going to take him driving and wanted to know if I had $2.50 he could borrow to get out to lakewood. I was kind of taken by surprise because I didn't think he would leave so quickly. I guess he truly does believe this should be over as well. He also said he would be back monday to switch the storage unit into his name and more than likely be moved out by the 30th of this month. wow.

with that.. I am single and now knocked up. heh. I'm not upset actually. We are so completely different it is nearly impossible to make it work. And I think if we both heal from the past few months, can return to our state of friendship that we both have wonderful things to offer. As a team we don't work, plain and simple. I don't plan to ask for child support or even any help. If he offers I will accept of course but I don't expect anything from him. I have accepted responsibility for my actions and truthfully I want this baby more than anything else right now.

Anyway.. last night I sent him a text asking if he got to drive. "no... I couldn't get a hold of my dad when I got here. now I'm drinking ... so no driving for me" The only way he can ever deal with life, it's problems and stress is with a bottle or drugs of some kind. This is one of the biggest reasons why I could no longer be with him. He will ALWAYS have issues with addiction. And I don't want a life around that.

Now I just wait for time to pass and see where life takes me.